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I have not posted lately which is of course apparent. But I figured I would throw a confession up regardless. I am not posting because I am finding it so hard to put into words all the things which are blowing about in my brain right now. In no particular order... anxiety, fear, sadness, excitement. Okay so all of those are pieces of anxiety. I cannot put them in order because quite frankly the order changes from minute to minute. I keep remembering the song my mother used to sing when we were being particularly difficult "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha, Ha". It feels so appropriate right now.

I am scared of change, it is one of my huge challenges and not one that I relish. I am honestly scared of my drive. My family doesn't have good history with driving in September and this scares me. I hope that my sisters don't put this all together. I am scared of the difficultly of building up a new community and social network. It requires me putting myself out in ways that are not comfortable but it also means that my life is harder on yet another front. It is certainly one of the challenges of being single without family. I don't have a built in community with me.

I don't have great control over when my condo sells and that only feels a little bit scary. I am trusting in the process and hoping that the right person will walk through the door soon and see the possibilities and love that it is move in ready and huge. I can't really worry about it because I have no control over it, nor can I imagine that I have control over it. That is unique for me.

I hate saying good-bye to my amazing community here in DC. The more people I say good-bye to the harder it gets. Tonight was a particularly challenging one, saying good-bye in particular to a great friend. It is made a little bit easier by the fact that we are from the same home town so can generally assume that we will be in the same place at the same time once again, if only for a short time. I know that this weekend, saying good-bye to my St. Thomas community is going to be very difficult. It will be a joyous time, as it involves a wedding but oh it will be bittersweet. Quite frankly I am just in denial that I am saying good-bye to Sarah, just going to ignore that.

I am excited to begin a new challenge and there is no doubt in my mind that this will be a challenge. A good challenge but a challenge none the less. I love working with Howard and believe that he has found a unique congregation that will be a delight to minister with. I am excited to minister with a new congregation and in a new diocese, and heck a new province. I am excited to be with my chosen family again even though it will be in a different way.

I am keeping my mantras in mind. "This is a marathon, not a sprint." "You have to go home and not stay in the office just because going home will be lonely." "Go find non-church friends!"

Wedding Entrance

So this morning I saw that a friend had posted this video to another wall as a suggestion for a couple's upcoming wedding. Initially I just thought of it as a fun idea and something for a giggle but then I started to think a little more about it.

I know that I have several friends who would be appalled at this in an Episcopal church and would look down their noses at this processional. That actually might be just plain Episcopal, to look down one's nose at something liturgically, but there was something special about this entrance. It seemed to not only reflect upon the couple getting married themselves, but the wedding party, and the congregation. In interviews in the past several weeks and various conversations I have been asked how to create youth friendly services or separate services for youth. On the one hand I have led them through an exercise about what worship experiences that were "mountain top" for them. I also though asked them to think about why it might be that the youth don't feel welcome or called to be in the normal Sunday morning worship services. I wonder how accessible some services are and how flexible those of us sitting in the pews are to change and worship looking a little bit different are.

Off the HOB/D List Serve

For those of you who have never been on or have left, here is a bit of humor from the House of Bishops/Deputies list serve. Just to prove that they aren't always debating, sometimes they are laughing. I wonder if the Good Shepherd ever thought of doing this.

Prayer of Confession

Today at St. Thomas we prayed an unusual Prayer of Confession. I like it so much that I want to print it up for my new office, but I thought it was worth sharing as well.

When we measure our worth by the number of hours we spend at our desks,

Forgive us, Lord.

When we fail to notice that the snow has melted and the trees are budding,

Forgive us, Lord.

When finishing one more project is more important than comforting a hurting friend,

Forgive us, Lord.

When the calendar guides our lives more than Scripture does,

Forgive us, Lord.

When we proclaim that grace is free to all and then act as if we must earn our salvation,

Forgive us, Lord.

Missy with quotations

Yesterday morning (on my birthday) I spoke in front of the Church Pension Group committee hearing on resolution A138 which is a canonical change for lay pensions. This morning that resolution passed overwhelmingly in the House of Bishops.

I was incredibly nervous when I spoke and actually threw out my prepared statement after I heard Dennis Sullivan, CPG President, spoke. As he was speaking I realized that the church has been discussing lay pensions nearly my entire life. So I began with my prepared statement and then departed. I heard a gasp when I said that the church has been working on this my entire life and that was long enough. I left the hearing shortly after speaking because I needed to head to the Education committee hearing to look in on some resolutions that I authored. After the Education hearing I sat outside in the hallway to listen to messages and get the best birthday song ever sung by my godson. As the CPG staff walked out many of them smiled at me and mouthed "good job" or "thanks".

Yesterday afternoon after I spoke I ran into Mary Frances Schjonberg who covered the hearing for Episcopal News Service. She said that she quoted me when she filed her story, it made me a little bit nervous but I figured what the heck. The story appeared in the ENS releases late last night and in the convention daily this morning.

It is odd to have this going on around me. I prepared to speak and yet through everything out at the last minute. I am glad that I did but it still feels a little bit weird. It was also weird to really see myself identified as a part of the Diocese of Washington in print.

A General Convention Primer

For those of you heading to General Convention and for those of you just wondering what all the fuss is about, here is a really good video primer on what General Convention is and some major legislation for this General Convention from the Diocese of Southwest Florida. Enjoy!

BCP is a Girl's Best Friend

In case people still think that Episcopalians don't have a sense of humor, here is a lovely video about what a girl's best friend really is.

Straight Outta Compline

I know that I haven't written in a while and I do have thoughts stacked up but I really had to share this one today. I am giggling all over the place because of this really brilliant video. Such a creative pair!

Kevin Smith Last Supper

Continuing with the pop culture Last Supper theme, is today's piece from the great satirist Kevin Smith.

What I love about someone doing a Last Supper piece with the characters from Kevin Smith movies is that Kevin Smith is pretty honest about his love for religion and the Catholic church. If you look at Dogma he obviously knows his material on a variety of levels. His movies are an example of the way in which we can poke fun at ourselves and our beliefs to find a deeper meaning. One of my favorite moments was the night I got a call from the members of the senior high youth group who were sitting at Dairy Queen. They had watched Dogma as a group (on their own) several nights before and were discussing whether they were hypocrites for the beliefs that they professed to hold. I simply could not resist joining them in their discussion. It was one of the moments when I not only realized that I had helped to do something to make a difference but that I loved those youth more than I realized. I also realized once again how stone cold brilliant they all were. So this Last Supper is dedicated to Kari, Caitlin, Jody, Emmalee, Adam and Peter.